I want to talk about when loneliness becomes isolation.
For some context I have PTSD and bipolar disorder. So a lot of the times I bottle up my feelings, emotions and don’t express some in positive ways.
What I wanna talk about is when you bottle up all these emotions all the time. It creates a sense of loneliness like no one cares. When in reality you are not letting others care about you by you not expressing what’s going on inside you.
You may fear people tell you all get over it that was in the past you’re safe that’s not happening now. But if they were to simply research PTSD they would understand it is a literally a disorder that has you replaying the past on repeat sometimes.
We may get out of the abusive or toxic situation but that doesn’t mean that we aren’t left with the scars and internal wounds.
Before I got married to my high school best friend. I was in a toxic relationship for two years with a narcissistic person. Who would always tell me to get over it and then I faked my flashbacks. This is the same person that would also go with me to my mental health appointments because I cannot be trusted to be around other people without them being present unless he was at work.
During that relationship I found myself hiding a lot of my emotions just to stay away from the fights in the arguments. I often forgot that people actually did care and that he was just a narcissistic person. It has been three years now since I’ve been out of that abusive relationship. I thought happy and liberated.
Being with a narcissist will make the loneliness feel like isolation. Because they isolate you from your friends and your family. They start arguments with your friends with your family. Or your family and friends don’t like that you’re always arguing with that person. Also that person always is around when you try to have a conversation with them even though they’re your family.
This is just simply to say that I’m not perfect and that if you are in an abusive situation don’t hide your emotions don’t hide the bruises. Get out as fast as you can safely.
Art I did recently: A flower I sketched on my tablet.
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